When relationships get glued together with silly-putty.
Here’s the issue with that. I can’t tell you the last time I spent on the couch just making out with my wife and telling her how incredible she is, how she hung the moon, let alone wanting to even spend an hour on the couch just sucking each other’s face. But when we first started dating? That’s all I could think about. Sure, we have INCREDIBLY romantic times together still and days where my heart is so full it breaks at even the thought of being without her, but that infatuation we first felt is long gone. What’s replaced it is a deep soul bond that says “I see your flaws. I see all of you. And I choose to be with you through bad times, horrible times, unbearable times and continue to love you when those days come.” That’s a lot more romantic to me. There’s nothing romantic about saying, “I choose to stick with you as long as things are good.” That’s just straight selfish and reeks of someone who, down the line, will leave you for a younger, hotter version of your current self.
The sad reality is we’re spending our days getting struck by Cupid. And the glue that holds a relationship together is getting sacrificed for silly-putty. Instead of spending hours, months, and years growing as friends, we spend a few days obsessing just how “sexy/cute/funny the other person is and what they would look like naked” and then decide that’s a good enough reason to start dating. What a weird way to begin a relationship. To have that as the glue? And then if we can ignore the areas of our relationships that need work until we’re engaged, we hope that we can still cram some time intending the relationship and fixing issues before our fast-approaching nuptials.
I wish we’d spend a lot more time growing together as opposed to obsessing together. I wish we’d invite wise council into our relationships long before we ever decide to get married. To ask “Hey, are we even right for one another or are we ignoring major issues for superficial happiness?” I wish we’d invite our close friends to speak more open and honest about our relationships because here’s the truth: A guy can always trick one girl, but he can’t trick her friends. And a girl can always fool a guy, but can’t fool his friends.
Just maybe if we spent more time doing those things we’d set ourselves up for some truly healthy relationships. And when the storms and tempests come those relationships will be the ones that survive showing others a little wear and tear, but a house that’s still standing.
On the one hand, I strongly suspect this guy’s wife really needs him to spend some time on the above-mentioned couch, “Sucking her face.” Really, really desperately…
On the other hand, he’s right. The good news is, it’s really starting to catch on. A large majority of the couples we now see premaritally come pre-engagement. They come because they want to be absolutely dead sure they are doing the right thing and fully prepared to do so.