Here’s a strange one…
When he came out of rehab for the fourth time, we knew something had shifted.
The last rehab focused a lot on codependency and trauma, and how they played out in our relationship. For the first time, I went to therapy sessions with my husband, and together, we learned skills for handling the bumps in the road that were sure to come up in our relationship. Recovering from sex addiction is not just about quitting unhealthy sexual behaviors—the quitting is important, but once an addict is sober, he needs to understand the core issues. Otherwise, it’s the equivalent of being a dry drunk. Because of how much work my husband and I had done on ourselves, we were able to really concentrate our focus on the codependency issue, which seemed to be one of the main triggers that could sabotage our connection. I used to think my husband had to be “my all,” “my everything,” “my other half.” That puts an incredible amount of pressure and unrealistic expectations on a relationship. So now, instead of expecting my husband to complete me, I work to make sure my life is full and that when I participate in this relationship, it is by choice, not by necessity. When I’m craving attention, my husband sometimes meets my needs, but if he is in a bad mood or has had a bad day, instead of getting bitter and resentful, I practice self-care, turn to my friends, and do my own thing.
Firstly, there’s a lot about that article I really wouldn’t advise as a means of dealing with a partner’s sexual addiction – a LOT.
But is still very worth a read — especially in a culture that nearly always tries to shoehorn this sort of story into a victim/perpetrator narrative.
And, because the author is smart enough to grasp the difference between stopping addictive behaviours — and being free of addiction.
And, simply because getting this out of Elle mag is roughly as shocking as getting intelligent marital advice from Penthouse mag…