• Why save your marriage?
    Why save your marriage?
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    “I’ve tried so hard for so many years, I don’t feel anything for him/her anymore and I really wonder if there’s anything left here. I’m just not sure my marriage is worth saving…”

    If I could get a dollar for every time I’ve heard that line, well, I’d have a LOT more dollars…

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  • Creating magical sex – for BOTH of you!
    Creating magical sex – for BOTH of you!
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    If North America has been successful at anything, it has fully achieved the goal of taking nearly every fantasy and depiction of human sexuality and, in image, written word or other means, managed to make it available for anyone to peruse.

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  • Quick fixes, Band-Aids and EMDR…
    Quick fixes, Band-Aids and EMDR…
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    When we receive referrals from the medical community of clients struggling with anxiety or panic disorder, one of the most common requests we get is for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. It’s highly popular — though I doubt if the majority of those who refer for such have any idea what they are suggesting.

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  • Breaking through the stigma of miscarriage.
    Breaking through the stigma of miscarriage.
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    As many as 75% of all pregnancies result in a miscarriage before the woman knows she is pregnant. Once the woman has tested positive on a pregnancy test, there is still a one in five chance of an early miscarriage. Later in the pregnancy, while quite uncommon, miscarriage still occurs about 1% of the time though, for some women, it may repeatedly occur.

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  • Three tips for effective couple conflict resolution.
    Three tips for effective couple conflict resolution.
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    We all know conflict within marriage is inevitable. Two imperfect people under the same roof are bound to create sparks. Therefore, instead of trying to avoid having conflicts, it’s much wiser to learn how to have them effectively.

    Usually, one partner is hurt or offended and begins with a harsh start-up to the conversation. Harsh start-ups usually begin with phrases like “you always? or “you never.? In response, the listener usually feels attacked and either becomes defensive or stonewalls, which usually creates even more tension.

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  • Healing the pain of abortion
    Healing the pain of abortion
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    Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – have been, for years, a prescriptive definition of what every grieving person must go through. They are so culturally imbedded that, when I was writing our company page on grief & loss, I had to include her name and stages or Google wouldn’t even recognize our page as legitimate.

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  • Understanding sex addiction
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    calgary christian counselling addiction sexual

    In 1994, the American Psychiatric Association removed sexual addiction (Then formally known as, “Hypersexuality,”) from the DSM-V – their expansive psychiatric bible that defines mental health disorders. It wasn’t strange or surprising – and it certainly wasn’t incorrect to remove it.

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  • Are you oversharing?
    4 Comments on Are you oversharing?

    Couple counselling communications intimacy

    Sharing. It’s a word we hear in so many contexts. Talk shows are no longer talking at us – we’re, “Sharing the conversation.” Churches are trying to stop laying down rules and invite people to, “Share,” or, “Participate in a discussion.” We don’t even post stuff any more, we, “Share,” on Facebook.

    With all these years of practice, we should all be good at communication and levels of emotional intimacy by now…

    Yet in 2015, for most of us, barely a day goes by without someone, “Sharing,” something utterly cringe-worthy in a highly public setting – who then then wonders why people back away in shock.

    The below is a rather well written cheat sheet from Psychology Today outlining standard steps of self disclosure:

    These 6 tips will help guide you in sharing your feelings:

    1. Your default option should be to keep it light (but not silly). The Utz study shows that people prefer messages that are entertaining. Start with this as your first approach until you feel you can confide more somber reflections, if those are warranted.

    2. Know your audience. Though starting light is a good approach, take the temperature of those you are with before you proceed further.

    3. Don’t be too self-indulgent. Sometimes we say things to make ourselves feel better at the risk of boring or even offending those we are with. You may wish to recite a poem at the beginning of a meeting (because you like it), but your co-workers just want to get on with business.

    4. Stop and think before you speak. People without filters just blurt out their thoughts without reflecting on the effect of those thoughts when they’re turned into words. Take a minute and decide if you really want to share your latest revelations, or if you’d be better off keeping them to yourself.

    5. Pursue deeper relationships by deepening your self-disclosures. In the right circumstances, self-disclosure can be great. Don’t hold back if you truly wish to bond.

    6. Listen to what your conversation partners are saying. The world of communication is based on people both talking and listening. Before you talk, make sure you understand what’s been said by others. If you’re not sure, ask.

    Generally, the sequence of emotional intimacy is as follows:

    (1). Courtesy speech.
    (2). Small talk.
    (3). Thoughts and ideas.
    (4). Dreams and visions.
    (5). Raw emotional intimacy.

    The ability to gauge where you are at on that scale both gives you a picture of which experiment or social risk needs to happen next and a measuring stick to determine if the person we are having the communication with has reciprocated – thus giving us permission to fully to explore the next level with him or her.

    The ability to practice that art form is the difference between building intimacy by way of self disclosure — and verbal/social exhibitionism.

    Should we have to go through this order of fancy-footwork to get real with each other?

    NO!!!

    But, that’s really just the way it is and, we either follow those conventions – or we rarely get to connect at all.

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  • How to cope with stress and anxiety.
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    Henze & Associates

    Christian counselling for stress, anxiety and panic in Calgary.

    A life of feeling stalked.

    Imagine what it would be like to live life constantly expecting a crisis to happen – always on the alert for some kind of threat or emotional trauma? What it would feel like to constantly scan the horizon seeking for sick people or germs – forever worried that they would make you sick or even just being around those people would cause you to feel sick?

    Then imagine that fear grew until those uncontrollable worries would begin happening in the middle of the night. You wake, dizzy, shaking, soaked with sweat, your heart racing, chest so tense you can’t get a full breath of air, feeling like your throat has closed off and you are about to have a heart attack. Soon, you are even afraid to go to sleep.

    Now, imagine it has gone on for so long that all of your energy reserves are gone, the fatigue has become crushing and you feel like you are on the edge of completely burning out. Sometimes, you wonder if you are loosing your mind — other times you are sure you are.

    That’s anxiety and panic disorder…

    We have just added yet another permanent article to our site collection on basic practices for keeping stress, anxiety and panic at tolerable levels.

    Stress, anxiety and panic are difficult areas for me to do S.E.O. on and not get really frustrated about. The vast majority of what passes as treatment for such is basically designed to keep people in therapy forever by only treating the symptoms. Yet, so much is written in that vein that Google doesn’t consider you a real site or to really be offering the service unless it sees a bunch of keywords that everyone else is using.

    What I’d like to be writing about is how you fundamentally transform how the human heart sees itself, unlearn complex trauma, grieve pain and deal with the neuro-linguistic tasks of bringing the unconscious to conscious awareness – and then alter and re-submerge such. I’d like it to focus on the relational aspects of living life in hiding and address the religious/legalistic roots of guilt and shame based creation of anxiety. But, that just doesn’t give the Google Bots warm fuzzies…

    So, the above linked is the best summary I can create of how you do nothing more then put a bandaid on stress, anxiety and panic — in hopes that it can maybe draw some people into longing for much more then a bandaid…

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