• Surviving infidelity: Is there healing after an affair?
    Surviving infidelity: Is there healing after an affair?
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    After nineteen years as a Calgary couples counsellor, I now get the desperate emails and the frantic phone calls practically all the time:

    My wife cheated on me…

    My husband had an affair…

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  • How to win at the game of love.
    How to win at the game of love.
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    “After all these years of marriage, you still don’t know anything about me – do you?” Spend any time at all in the field of couples or marriage counselling and that snarled/shouted comment will, really quickly, become very familiar.

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  • Five key choices people make that result in addiction
    Five key choices people make that result in addiction
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    Really, no one wakes up one day and consciously chooses addiction. People do, however, make five key choices that, together, do amount to a choice of addiction. Or, perhaps another way of saying it is that the combined impact of those incredibly damaging choices makes addiction seem to be inescapable and seem to be something you are powerless over.

    Let’s look at those damaging choices:

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  • Why save your marriage?
    Why save your marriage?
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    “I’ve tried so hard for so many years, I don’t feel anything for him/her anymore and I really wonder if there’s anything left here. I’m just not sure my marriage is worth saving…”

    If I could get a dollar for every time I’ve heard that line, well, I’d have a LOT more dollars…

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  • Healing the pain of abortion
    Healing the pain of abortion
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    Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – have been, for years, a prescriptive definition of what every grieving person must go through. They are so culturally imbedded that, when I was writing our company page on grief & loss, I had to include her name and stages or Google wouldn’t even recognize our page as legitimate.

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  • Are you oversharing?
    Are you oversharing?
    4 Comments on Are you oversharing?

    Sharing. It’s a word we hear in so many contexts. Talk shows are no longer talking at us – we’re, “Sharing the conversation.” Churches are trying to stop laying down rules and invite people to, “Share,” or, “Participate in a discussion.” We don’t even post stuff anymore, we, “Share,” on Facebook.

    With all these years of practice, we should all be good at communication and levels of emotional intimacy by now…

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  • Focus: Can you master your own mind?
    Focus: Can you master your own mind?
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    In my mind, the award for the most incorrectly labelled disorder ever goes to the generalized mayhem that is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

    Think about it: We have a disorder that we know is the result of the brain continually searching for external sources of stimulation. We further know that children suffering from such can be treated with stimulant medications and that stimulant, paradoxically, calm the child — likely by providing enough internal stimulation.

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  • Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?
    Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?
    2 Comments on Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?

    Psychology Today

    Does your partner handle life well? Can you still see a future with her? Do you communicate just as well in the same house? These seem like logical questions that can be answered by living with your potential spouse prior to marriage, but couples who live together before marriage are more prone to marital troubles and divorce. Recent research has sought to determine why.

    Premarital cohabitation has become increasingly common. In the last 20-some years, the number of women aged 19 to 44 who cohabited increased by 82%. One-third of women in 1987 cohabited, compared with three-fifths in 2009-2010, and increases like this are seen for every age group. Just 15 years ago, only about half of women marrying were doing so following a cohabitation experience. Currently, among all women 19 to 44, 23% are in cohabiting unions, a percentage doubling that of 20 years ago.

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  • What keeps men from seeking help?
    What keeps men from seeking help?
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    Good Men Project

    The shame experienced by men who have lost their position as the primary breadwinner in their family can be devastating. This is frequently more than just a lost job-it can also define the purpose of a productive life. The loss of purpose experienced in job loss can cripple self-esteem and destroy one’s concept of self-worth. This shame can create a solid barrier to the discussion, particularly discussion with a stranger in therapeutic situations.

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  • The real reason parents refuse to vaccinate their kids…
    The real reason parents refuse to vaccinate their kids…
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    Mind Hacks

    There are other psychological factors at play in the decisions taken by individual parents not to vaccinate their children. One is the rational selfishness of avoiding risk, or even the discomfort of a momentary jab, by gambling that the herd immunity of everyone else will be enough to protect your child.

    Another is our tendency to underplay rare events in our calculation about risks – ironically the very success of vaccination programmes makes the diseases they protect us against rare, meaning that most of us don’t have direct experience of the negative consequences of not vaccinating.

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