• Couples Counselling Calgary: Protect your relationship from marriage counsellors.
    Couples Counselling Calgary: Protect your relationship from marriage counsellors.
    1 Comment on Couples Counselling Calgary: Protect your relationship from marriage counsellors.

    Couples Counselling Calgary: One of the most surprising discoveries we made when we first opened our Calgary Counselling Services related to the reasons most of our marriage and couples counselling clients were coming to see us. Now well over 20 years ago, it was obvious to all of them that Henze and Associates was a new Calgary counselling centre and even more apparent that we were both fresh out of school and only barely knew what we were doing.

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  • Turning hearts back together again
    Turning hearts back together again
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    From the very moment of our births, we all seek to connect. Within seconds, we utter our first cry – and it’s a cry to be held. Our eyes seem unable to rest until they find the gaze of our parents and our hearts long to know that safe place of gentle, unconditional love.

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  • How to fight FOR your marriage.
    How to fight FOR your marriage.
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    Contrary to the delusions of most starry-eyed newlyweds, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We’d all like to believe we have married the perfect source of emotional and sexual satisfaction embodied in a person who will grant us the freedom to be ourselves, expect little of us, support us in every way and demonstrate utter maturity and competency in every area of life – that, in addition to exuding stunning physical perfection.

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  • Three tips for effective couple conflict resolution.
    Three tips for effective couple conflict resolution.
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    We all know conflict within marriage is inevitable. Two imperfect people under the same roof are bound to create sparks. Therefore, instead of trying to avoid having conflicts, it’s much wiser to learn how to have them effectively.

    Usually, one partner is hurt or offended and begins with a harsh start-up to the conversation. Harsh start-ups usually begin with phrases like “you always” or “you never.” In response, the listener usually feels attacked and either becomes defensive or stonewalls, which usually creates even more tension.

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  • Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?
    Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?
    2 Comments on Relationships: Let’s take it for a test drive?

    Psychology Today

    Does your partner handle life well? Can you still see a future with her? Do you communicate just as well in the same house? These seem like logical questions that can be answered by living with your potential spouse prior to marriage, but couples who live together before marriage are more prone to marital troubles and divorce. Recent research has sought to determine why.

    Premarital cohabitation has become increasingly common. In the last 20-some years, the number of women aged 19 to 44 who cohabited increased by 82%. One-third of women in 1987 cohabited, compared with three-fifths in 2009-2010, and increases like this are seen for every age group. Just 15 years ago, only about half of women marrying were doing so following a cohabitation experience. Currently, among all women 19 to 44, 23% are in cohabiting unions, a percentage doubling that of 20 years ago.

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  • A Zen Buddhist take on love…
    A Zen Buddhist take on love…
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    Brain Pickings

    At the heart of Nhat Hanh’s teachings is the idea that “understanding is love’s other name” — that to love another means to fully understand his or her suffering. (“Suffering” sounds rather dramatic, but in Buddhism, it refers to any source of profound dissatisfaction — be it physical or psychoemotional or spiritual.) Understanding, after all, is what everybody needs — but even if we grasp this on a theoretical level, we habitually get too caught in the smallness of our fixations to be able to offer such expansive understanding. He illustrates this mismatch of scales with an apt metaphor:

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  • Do you demand, or withdraw?
    Do you demand, or withdraw?
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    Psychology Today

    My last (failed) relationship, it turns out, is a psychological cliché, which is disheartening but at least it gives me plenty of company. If you’d peeked through my windows, you would have seen me—imploring with tears in my eyes or angry with my voice raised—demanding that we address the problems we were having. You’d also have seen my partner, his arms folded across his chest, silent and unresponsive, a dismissive look on his face.

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  • Maybe you should resolve to fix it instead?
    Maybe you should resolve to fix it instead?
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    Science Blog

    “The vast majority of people get married during their lifetimes, and what is known is that, on average, satisfaction declines,” Lavner said. “So the question is, how do couples’ problems actually change? So many people enter marriage happily, but then go on to struggle. What explains that disconnect?”

    The study used data from 169 newlywed couples assessed eight times over the first four years of marriage to examine how couples’ marital problems changed. Ratings of 19 specific problems indicated that couples’ difficulties in areas such as in-laws, household management, amount of time spent together and unrealistic expectations do not change.

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  • No really, stop talking!
    No really, stop talking!
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    Psychology Today
    >

    By saying less, your partner will feel that you are more available and open to her. This all may sound ridiculously obvious but is it really that easy? The answer is, “No.” It is not so easy because our ego-mind takes over when we speak solely from our own agenda. Unfortunately, we tend to lack empathy when we are trying to prove our own point. Ironically our partners then just shut down and stop listening, instead of saying to themselves, “This conversation is pointless.”

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  • Who is having risky sex?
    Who is having risky sex?
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    Women’s Health

    It turns out that having higher levels of long-term self-regulation — that’s basically the ability to plan for the future, prioritize, and generally monitor yourself and your actions as they relate to your long-term goals — was associated with waiting longer to have sex, having fewer lifetime sexual partners, using condoms, and having low levels of sexual risk. Meanwhile, those who scored higher on short-term self-regulation — i.e.,

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