• Surviving infidelity: Is there healing after an affair?
    Surviving infidelity: Is there healing after an affair?
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    After nineteen years as a Calgary couples counsellor, I now get the desperate emails and the frantic phone calls practically all the time:

    My wife cheated on me…

    My husband had an affair…

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  • How to raise a victim of childhood sexual abuse
    How to raise a victim of childhood sexual abuse
    1 Comment on How to raise a victim of childhood sexual abuse

    Just for a moment, let’s completely ignore the tragic cascade of underage child abuse victims themselves acting out the same behaviours on other minor family members or peers where the perpetrator really is as much a victim as the the one being abused.

    Have you ever tried, even for just a few seconds, to step inside the mind of the most hardened adult sexual offenders and imagine what they need to see in a child to begin taking steps towards victimizing him or her? Is there a pattern? Why would they target one child and completely ignore another?

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  • Turning hearts back together again
    Turning hearts back together again
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    From the very moment of our births, we all seek to connect. Within seconds, we utter our first cry – and it’s a cry to be held. Our eyes seem unable to rest until they find the gaze of our parents and our hearts long to know that safe place of gentle, unconditional love.

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  • Protecting children from online erotica/pornography
    Protecting children from online erotica/pornography
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    Nearly every school system in North America is beginning to debate the use of the internet in schools. Wifi has become ubiquitous, LTE connections are in nearly every student’s backpack and the hand wringing and panic over what children are surfing has reached epic levels.

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  • Creating magical sex – for BOTH of you!
    Creating magical sex – for BOTH of you!
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    If North America has been successful at anything, it has fully achieved the goal of taking nearly every fantasy and depiction of human sexuality and, in image, written word or other means, managed to make it available for anyone to peruse.

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  • Healing the pain of abortion
    Healing the pain of abortion
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    Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – have been, for years, a prescriptive definition of what every grieving person must go through. They are so culturally imbedded that, when I was writing our company page on grief & loss, I had to include her name and stages or Google wouldn’t even recognize our page as legitimate.

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  • Understanding sex addiction
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    calgary christian counselling addiction sexual

    In 1994, the American Psychiatric Association removed sexual addiction (Then formally known as, “Hypersexuality,”) from the DSM-V – their expansive psychiatric bible that defines mental health disorders. It wasn’t strange or surprising – and it certainly wasn’t incorrect to remove it.

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  • Why choose Christian Couple Counselling?
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    Why choose Christian Couple Counselling in Calgary?

    Imagine you have been watching your marriage slip away for years.

    Perhaps you finally got to wondering what he had been doing on that computer all of those late nights. You found a spare moment, logged in and started looking at his internet history. When you did, you were instantly greeted by thousands of erotic or pornographic web sites and the hours spent on sites for escorts. Instantly, you understand why he hasn’t been sexually interested in you once this month.

    Or:

    Perhaps you have felt the sting of her barely hidden resentment for years and, yet, could never figure out why she always claimed things were fine. But, tonight, when she left her phone unlocked, you started seeing text messages from a co-worker popping up on the screen. A few minutes of browsing them suddenly has offered you a very clear picture of why she has had to work late so often this year — and how little hope she has left for the future of your marriage.

    The next few days pass in a whirlwind of first denial, then anger, then furious recriminations followed by deep sadness and then cold silence. Finally, you have time to think.

    As you sit there feeling the crushing weight of betrayal, the self directed contempt for your blindness, the furious rage at your spouse and the terror for the future of your marriage and the family your children so desperately need, one question crosses your mind:

    How can our relationship recover from this infidelity?

    This is just another announcement/posting of an original internal article on why making a choice for counselling that fits with your faith and world view is so important.

    This article is now permanently added to the article section of our primary site — not just a transient blog post.

    Enjoy!

    (Yes, I’m writing these for S.E.O. purposes but they’re not JUST to keep the Google-Bots happy. Please share with anyone you think would benefit!)

    😉

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  • Guys: Here’s how to really keep sex alive.
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    Cedars Sinai

    Nearly 300 study participants self-reported their activity levels, which researchers then categorized as sedentary, mildly active, moderately active or highly active. The subjects also self-reported their sexual function, including the ability to have erections, orgasms, the quality and frequency of erections and overall sexual function.



    Results found that men who reported more frequent exercise, a total of 18 metabolic equivalents, or METS, per week, had higher sexual function scores, regardless of race. MET hours reflect both the total time of exercise and the intensity of exercise. A total of 18 METS can be achieved by combining exercises with different intensities, but is the equivalent of two hours of strenuous exercise, such as running or swimming, 3.5 hours of moderate exercise, or six hours of light exercise.



    In contrast, men of any ethnicity who exercised less reported lower levels of sexual function.

    So many middle age guys spend huge amounts of money on pills, rings, penis-pumps and gadgets to try and maintain the erections of their 20’s.

    None of them work.

    Oh, certain pharmaceuticals may temporarily help — at the expense of massive headaches, nosebleeds, flushed faces, trouble breathing and serious difficulty sleeping — but none of them really solve anything.

    But, it turns out that the one thing most middle aged guys tend to let slide the most is actually the only thing that does work:

    Sweating in the gym = serious sweating elsewhere…

    😉

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  • Maybe clothes do make a man… sick?
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    The Good Men Project

    If clothes aren’t physically or emotionally healthy, why are we horrified when people don’t wear them? Show a man with a gun… it’s called action. Show a man with a dick… it’s called indecent.



    There’s something wrong with the way Americans have come to accept almost every aspect of the human condition except for the most natural one. We’ve accepted guns, drugs and violence, yet refuse to accept bare breasts and genitalia.



    Put a man killing and raping women in a movie and it may go on to win an Oscar. Put a naked woman on the screen, and it won’t be allowed a nomination (take “Blue is the Warmest Color? for example).



    We’ve become so desensitized to everything, but the one thing that makes us human. We’ve come to accept almost every negative aspect of human nature, yet refuse to condone the most natural state a human being can be — the nude.

    Ok, so, the above linked rant is way too much fun to ignore — it simply begged to be posted. Just read it…

    But, some of the content is actually quite scholarly and factual.

    In particular, the linked literature summary on the impact of social nudity upon children is both really well done and serious food for thought.

    (Though, I highly doubt it will do anything to quell the nearly religious fervor with which so many sectors of our society attack even the simple concept of a clothing optional beach…)

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