Sex and violence — addressing the real problem
DA: You are talking about so many different levels and layers with the question “is it hyper-sexualized?” Compared to my understanding from Tremper (Longman III) about the Assyrian and Babylonian cultures, no, we’re not hyper-sexualized. If you compare where we are even in the context of other modern cultures’ engagement with sexuality, we’re still somewhat restrained, there is still some regard. Who’s the judge of the term “hyper-sexualization?”
Now, everyone knows at some level there is a profound flaw [in our culture] and there are many efforts to try and gain a window into what is wrong and what needs to be done, I still think there is a strong (and particularly within the conservative culture) notion from many that we live in a repressed culture.
So, it’s a battleground and one in that we need to search the frame of reference. There is still a significant restraint on our TV’s compared to European, South American, and Asian cultures.
TOJ: You mentioned that the conservative end of our culture is still repressed, could you maybe give some examples of that repression?
DA: I spoke or used to speak for Family Life Ministries in their arena events, and, nobody in the leadership did this, but several people suggested that I not use the words penis and vagina during the sex talk that I gave in the arena event. In part, because just hearing the words penis and vagina was so unnerving, or supposedly unnerving for a large portion of the audience.
But, the people who told me that, how do they know? They didn’t run focus groups, they just had the sensibility. Particularly whenever I talk about sexuality, in more conservative circles, I’m often told that people have never heard such rank, honest, but also compelling pictures of sexuality.
A brilliant interview with Dan B. Allender where he calls the problem like it is. It’s not some illusionary fundamentalist notion of hypersexualization in our culture — it’s the way we have merged sex and violence.
And an even more brilliant segment where he inadvertently exposes his solution and how that has played out with his own daughter:
I remember when my wife Becky took our daughter Annie, away to talk about sex for a weekend, and one thing we did was when she came back was to give her as much time with me after every time she was with her mom to talk about sex. This was a 12-year-old sitting down, she’s now with her father in a formal context to talk about sex, and one of her first questions is: “Do you and mom have oral sex and do you like it?”
Now that is parenting that really protects the heart of a little girl!!!