Could you make love to your husband every day for a year?
‘One of the saddest moments when I was thinking about my marriage was when I realized that sex with Brad was the only thing we shared that was unique to us.
‘It was what made us more than roommates, and yet I was denying our marriage that aspect.’
But did it change their marriage for the better?
‘It changed completely,’ says Charla. ‘We started being more attentive to each other, not just in bed, but about the trivial little things. Brad would offer to do some chore or run an errand, and I wouldn’t be thinking he was doing it to gain sex points.
‘We became so much closer. You can’t have that sort of regular intimacy in bed without it spilling over into the rest of life.
‘There was a lot less narking and sniping. You just can’t do that all day then want to get into bed with the person at night.
‘My self-confidence was greatly improved, too.
Ten years ago, saying this earned me the ire of several church leaders and one green-paper-with-pink-ink piece of beautifully scented (and unsigned) hate mail from a feminist type who figured I was a male pig. Now it’s making the news in our post-feminist culture as though it’s a novel idea just invented — speaking in suddenly awed tones about figuring out that daily sex could be good for all.
Our society is finally waking up — finally figuring out that our barter system for sex in marriage is an insult to both partners and an inversion of how we were designed to function. (Sex was designed to be the platform on which all other areas of intimacy are integrated. It is a servant to all the rest of the areas of intimacy rather then the pinnacle of all intimacy to be used as a reward for good performance in the other areas.)
Books are being written. People are rediscovering thousands of year old East Indian and Asian texts where daily sex is reported to be the best idea for a marriage. People are doing anything but acknowledge how short a time ago it was that we forgot this truth:
1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. (5a) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer (and fasting.)
But hey, it’s just Paul — what did he know anyway???