So, what’s a woman good for anyway? (Part #5)
So many times I get couples in my office where the unspoken message is simply, “If you could just make him a little more like me, everything would be just fine.”
In other words, make him just like the men I see on X soap opera or in my favourite romance novel and everything will be fine. Just make him a bearer of feminine power and I’ll be happy…
It puts me in a strange spot as, on some level, I can’t help but agree. C. S. Lewis once stated:
“There ought spiritually to be a man in every woman and a woman in every man. And how horrid the ones who haven’t got it are: I can’t bear a ‘man’s man’ or a ‘woman’s woman’.“
And, there is incredible truth there and some of it has to be realized on a personal level. However, on another level, I simply can’t go there for the other expression of such was created by God to be formed in the oneness of marriage. There is simply something fundamentally different about men and women and they were supposed to function as a unit – not blend into androgynous homogeneity.
Both are profoundly relational, fully equal and exactly 50% of the whole equation — but quite different. If one does not do his/her part, the other’s is insufficient to make a relationship into what it should be.
Yes, a man has some power. He can recognize the emotional shift in a child — if he is not fixing the sink and focused there. (A woman would see it regardless and instantly know what to do.) He can put on lingerie and take his best shot at seducing a woman — but mostly he will look like an idiot. He can draw out her heart — but she will do much better at bringing out her own if he just pursues her enough for her to believe he wants it. He can bring up deeply intimate subjects and subtly guide a woman to ask questions and explore him — if he spends half the day planning it and she could figure it out in seconds. He can be so enticing she will eventually demonstrate authority and ask him out — and she will be thoroughly infuriated she had to do so.
Yes, you may want some of the above — but what you really need:
A man to be outward directed and face the world head-on. You need him to be relational by doing together — to draw you alongside of him into the passionate force of a journey into life. You need him to pursue his world, to climb, to challenge, to be forceful, to be passionate, to be principled, to carry authority, to weigh and chose, to be captivated by you, to focus on you, to passionately want you, to call you and your children to live, to speak the truth, to have courage, to physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sexually initiate towards you and then follow through with a passionately forceful taking of you on every level that never stops. (Please don’t imagine even the remotest implication of rape here…)
Yes, in Christ, we potentially have all and do need to grow up into at letting some of the fullness of both. But, if he would just fully express ONLY that authority, any woman could quite easily fill in ALL of the power and things would function to at least a 90% level of perfection. The opposite of that would be an utter disaster.
A church pursuing the feminization of men is a church pursuing the dissolution of the passion that makes a marriage bond what it was intended to be – not a church pursuing the improvement of marriage.