For the sake of your marriage, TALK!!!
That distinction became very important in determining which relationships survived. At the end of five years, 43 percent of couples who had revealed the infidelity were divorced compared to 80 percent of the couples whose infidelity was kept secret.
“The current results suggest that many revealed infidelity couples were able to sustain the gains made during treatment and preserve the integrity of the relationship,” the researchers explained. “When an infidelity is confessed as opposed to discovered, both partners may be more willing to work on restoring the marital relationship.”
Indeed, couples who experienced infidelity but remained married had similar levels of marital stability and relationship satisfaction at the end of the five years as the couples who experienced no infidelity at all.
“Infidelity does not have to be the end of the relationship. It is clear that couples are able to work through an infidelity, restore their relationship, and enjoy a stable and satisfying marital relationship,” the researchers wrote.
I’ve said this for years — mostly based on gut instinct. Now, we have the research to back it:
If you have had an affair, get into therapy — and then SPILL IT. ASAP!!!
Not only will it at least double your chances of saving the marriage, it will likely create an excellent one.
Or keep it hidden and pretty much ensure you kiss it all goodbye.