Why do we fear vulnerability? We are afraid that if someone finds out who we really are, they will reject us. While we may try to appear perfect, strong or intelligent in order to connect with others in actual fact, pretense often has the opposite effect intended. Research by Paula Niedenthal shows that we resonate too deeply with one another not to perceive inauthenticity. We even register inauthenticity in our bodies. A study by James Gross shows that when we are inauthentic and try to hide our feelings, others respond physiologically (a rise in blood pressure). This physiological response may explain our inherent discomfort around inauthentic or “fake” people.
On the other hand, when people stick to the truth (including avoiding little white lies), not only does their well-being increase, but their relationships improve, recent research suggests. Another recent study indicates that verbally expressing our feelings exactly as they are may help us overcome emotions faster. When we allow ourselves to be completely open and vulnerable, we benefit, our relationships improve, and we may even become more attractive. “We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth,” says Brown. “We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.” Why do we love children so much? Why are we drawn to people who act themselves? Because we feel an intrinsic comfort in the presence of authenticity. Moreover, someone who is real and and vulnerable gives us the space and permission to be the same.
The path to hell:
(1). Con your way into a marriage and then lie your way through to keep another liking or even loving you (or have such done to you) (or both.)
(2). Experience the inevitable implosion of that marriage — usually by way of an affair.
(3). Feel such self hatred and insecurity from such you seek out and enter into relationship with a person who is even more unwilling to say ANYTHING negative or fight with you (And justify such by believing you need peace in order to repair your heart.)
(4). Experience the agony of that person pulling the pin even sooner.
Or, you could read the above linked and rethink the lies you believe about yourself that keep you in hiding…Read more