How NOT to heal when your relationship ends…
In a study published recently in Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers at the University of Missouri had 170 heterosexual undergrads who had gone through a breakup in the past year keep online diaries over the course of a semester. They submitted weekly “distress reports” and “self-esteem and sex reports.”
The study gathers some canonical definitions of “rebound sex” from Yahoo Answers (“Rebound sex is when you’ve just gotten out of a relationship-typically a serious one, and you have sex with another person to either stick it to the one who dumped you or tries to quiet your emotional hurt… or both!”) and of “revenge sex” from the website Lemondrop (“random, meaningless hook-up just to make the ex jealous”).
Over the course of the semester, the researchers found that-lo and behold-people were using sex to cope with their anger and distress or to get back at their ex. Those who did were also more likely to keep having sex with new partners over time, “suggesting that they may be slower to recover from the breakup,” the study reads.
Our society has long had a little nugget of folk wisdom for those struggling with the end of a relationship or marriage: Just, “get back in the saddle again.”
In other words, go to a bar, pick someone up and get laid — you’ll feel better in the morning.
Even if we ignore the whole using the sexuality of someone else like a pain killer thing, it also seems it just doesn’t work.
And, it’s likely to trigger off an ongoing pattern of making yourself numb we normally refer to as, “Sex and love addiction.”